LET IT GO: three words that I hate! Being told to just “let it go” is frustrating, especially when the “it” that must be let go is driven by my fear. However, I’ve learned that letting it go is necessary for the mind and soul. How can I waste my time and energy on something that isn’t beneficial to me? When bad feelings and bad vibes linger, it only hurts me and the ones around me because I allow those energies to change my attitude- and that isn’t good! By holding onto negativity, I’ve risked pushing the ones I love away. Starting 2019 in a moody mindset when I strive for a fresh start is harmful and it’s time to change that.
A medicine for me is coffee. There is simply nothing like a good breve or vanilla latte to hug your soul. Coffee brought my best friend and I together and it smacked some glue in our lives. Taylor, my best friend, and I used to work at the same coffee shop, slinging coffee and espresso day in and day out. Granted, I am leaving for a different coffee shop, but we started out loving coffee together. I can never look at coffee as just another beverage again. It’s more than grinding beans, making brew, and pulling shots of espresso. How many times have people sat around after a long day and enjoyed time with each other while bonding over a pot of fresh coffee? A lot- the answer is a lot!
Fear wraps into coffee with me. Fear is telling me I won’t make it at my new job, that I am not cut out for it, and they made a mistake hiring me because I will fail. But at the end of the day my confidence is in myself. I have found an art that I love and I am invested in. Coffee is my ministry. I love people through my coffee. My art is what I take confidence and try to squash my fears.
In this new season of life, I’m learning to let it go. What I cannot change must be acknowledged and then released. Today, let’s recognize areas where we can let things go, eliminate our fears, and drink a good breve.
Life is a crazy and beautiful trip. Some destinations are hectic and a wild mess, but the next stop is beautiful and breathtaking. I started a new chapter of my life in August when I left for college and I thought I had everything figured out. I was going into art School, I had a stable university job, and my life was playing out how I thought it would. I was going to be successful and my life was great. It’s funny how when I think it is all rainbows and sunshine things change and I am in the middle of a hurricane. I had almost everything I thought I had wanted. But as life goes, things changed. I fell back into my depression, I did not want to be at college, and all I wanted was to be at my escaping place back at home. I hated my life. What I thought my major was going to be changed and I began to do the confused jump of “well maybe I will like this degree” and back and forth on what I wanted to do.
Cut to the end of October and I’m talking to my parents in a mess of tears and uncertainty. The decision I made that day will effect me for a while and it took some time to realize that it would be okay. My decision: I was going to completely withdraw from my university. I let my university know and despite their prompting for me to stay and seek counseling on my situation, I packed up up my room and belongings and moved back home. In a week of being home, I had the job that I had wanted since June lined up and I was making my way.
It took a lot of tears and tough choices, but I am finally in a spot where I am happy, I am at peace, and I love how my life is going. Out of all of this, people have kept telling me to go back to school and not to give up on that, but the truth is, I am living my life and not theirs. I do want to go back to school eventually but right now I am living for today and saving up for my future. College isn’t for everyone and that is okay. You don’t have to be in college and taking exams to know your future will be “good”. I learned that by realizing I hate college right now.
So make decisions for yourself. Make choices that will make you happy. It is your life and it’s okay to ask others on their opinions but you can’t live your life based on them. If I did that, I would still be in college, I would be in a dorm, and I would be on my way to a career where I would not be happy. It is insane for me to tell people that I left college to be a barista back in my hometown but the fact of it is that I am so much happier now than I was. This is the life I have wanted for a long time. I have peace now.
So even in the hard times, just keep in mind that it will be okay and things will play out. There were nights where I silently cried myself to sleep and all I wanted was to be at home with my best friend and our family. I’m sitting here on a Tuesday afternoon in a coffee shop while people drive by and come in for a cup of coffee and I am
“Only I can change my life. No one can do it for me.”