Life is a crazy and beautiful trip. Some destinations are hectic and a wild mess, but the next stop is beautiful and breathtaking. I started a new chapter of my life in August when I left for college and I thought I had everything figured out. I was going into art School, I had a stable university job, and my life was playing out how I thought it would. I was going to be successful and my life was great. It’s funny how when I think it is all rainbows and sunshine things change and I am in the middle of a hurricane. I had almost everything I thought I had wanted. But as life goes, things changed. I fell back into my depression, I did not want to be at college, and all I wanted was to be at my escaping place back at home. I hated my life. What I thought my major was going to be changed and I began to do the confused jump of “well maybe I will like this degree” and back and forth on what I wanted to do.
Cut to the end of October and I’m talking to my parents in a mess of tears and uncertainty. The decision I made that day will effect me for a while and it took some time to realize that it would be okay. My decision: I was going to completely withdraw from my university. I let my university know and despite their prompting for me to stay and seek counseling on my situation, I packed up up my room and belongings and moved back home. In a week of being home, I had the job that I had wanted since June lined up and I was making my way.
It took a lot of tears and tough choices, but I am finally in a spot where I am happy, I am at peace, and I love how my life is going. Out of all of this, people have kept telling me to go back to school and not to give up on that, but the truth is, I am living my life and not theirs. I do want to go back to school eventually but right now I am living for today and saving up for my future. College isn’t for everyone and that is okay. You don’t have to be in college and taking exams to know your future will be “good”. I learned that by realizing I hate college right now.
So make decisions for yourself. Make choices that will make you happy. It is your life and it’s okay to ask others on their opinions but you can’t live your life based on them. If I did that, I would still be in college, I would be in a dorm, and I would be on my way to a career where I would not be happy. It is insane for me to tell people that I left college to be a barista back in my hometown but the fact of it is that I am so much happier now than I was. This is the life I have wanted for a long time. I have peace now.
So even in the hard times, just keep in mind that it will be okay and things will play out. There were nights where I silently cried myself to sleep and all I wanted was to be at home with my best friend and our family. I’m sitting here on a Tuesday afternoon in a coffee shop while people drive by and come in for a cup of coffee and I am
“Only I can change my life. No one can do it for me.”