Hello, my lovelies!
Today's blog post is over something that is really important to me and I think a lot of people struggle with. A lot of people, both women and men, struggle with self love and being confident in their own body. People of any size, from 0 to 30, all have struggles with their self esteem and other body confidence related things. Today I am going to talk to you guys about my own struggles with learning to love myself, the journey I have been on, and a few things that you can do to start learning how to love yourself, too!
Since I was around 12 or 13, I have been aware of my size and how I look. When someone points it out to you (like you are unaware of your size and how you look!), a little seed of doubt starts to form in your mind and you quickly start to lose your confidence and happiness. Someone who was relatively close to me pointed out my weight in the rudest way a human could and it tore down all of my self-confidence and positivity. Now you may be thinking "Okay, one person was rude to you and you lost it?", and you are right. Up until that point, I never saw myself as the "fat friend" or anything like that. Yes, I had skinny friends and I was bigger than they were, but that was normal for me. I was always accepted for who I was and no one had ever been rude to be about it. So for hours on end, I was tormented by this one person and anytime they spoke to me, rude comments and jabs came flowing out. I left them that day at one of my saddest points of my life.
After that, I never felt comfortable in my own skin. It tore me down and it took years to get over it. I started exercising at home for all of the wrong reasons, I didn't think I was beautiful, and I doubted myself in every way.
I would start riding an exercise bike and I wouldn't stop until I biked 15 or 20 miles. It was like that for a week straight, and then I pushed myself even harder. I thought that by losing weight, I would be beautiful and no one would say such nasty things to me anymore. The exercising didn't last though, and I fell back into not doing anything.
A few years after that, I started working out again for better reasons, but they all fell back to the same things: I felt gross in my own skin, I was a flabby monster, and I was never going to find someone who loved me 100% because I was fat. So the routines started again and I worked for a month, then would stop, and the cycle continued for months. I met a guy who always talked about how hot fit girls were and I knew that he would never be into me because I was fat. I wanted him to like me so what did I do? I worked out like crazy. Every day without fail, I would hop on that exercise bike and work my butt off until my legs felt like jelly. I probably lost 10 pounds (at most) during that entire process and guess what, he never paid anymore attention to me. I should have seen it, but I didn't. I stopped working out due to other reasons and then I started working out again a few months later because I wanted to make a statement to others. "Oh, she was so sad and fat, so pitiful. But now she looks awesome and she is so hot! What happened to her?" That never happened either! During all of that time, my reasons for trying to lose weight were never the right reasons to and I fell out of it.
Now I occasionally walk on the treadmill and do some other exercises. I eat better now and I have finally come to better terms with myself. It has taken a lot to get to this point. A lot of crying, hating myself, and eating later, here I am: a somewhat confident plus size woman who believes in herself again.
My biggest problem during the entire process was that I didn't love myself, thus the crazy working out. Now I love myself and if I work out, that's great, but if I don't, I no longer kill myself over it. Taking the time to work on yourself mentally rather than physically is more important to me. Yes, if you enjoy working out, do that! I am sticking to eating better and then I will start using the gym at college next month. Two days a week, I am going to take the time at the gym. While the little nagging voice in my head still says that I need to workout so I can be pretty, my reasons for wanting to work out now are different. I am doing it to feel healthier and better. My mindset is better.
I still struggle with loving myself and practicing self love. I will probably always have a slight bit of doubt, but I have hit a point where I know who I am and I love myself. Being able to say "Yes, I am amazing, beautiful, and I deserve love. I can act like a total boss and not put myself down and that is not selfish. I am worthy of everything good and I won't walk with my head down." is phenomenal! You are not conceited if you portray yourself as a confident person. Some people may think you are, but they don't know you. Believe in yourself and don't let the opinions of others hurt you or tear you down.
All bodies are beautiful bodies! Stretch marks, cellulite, dimples, and all!
There are a few things that I do even still that help give my confidence a boost and I hope you try them too!
- I listen to music that inspires me and makes me feel confident. If you go on Spotify, you can find a lot of playlists that are dedicated to having songs that make you feel like a confident, awesome, and empowered woman. A few of my favorite songs are "Confident" by Demi Lovato, "Fight Song" by Rachel Platten, "Really Don't Care" by Demi Lovato and Cher Lloyd, and "Walking on Sunshine" by Katrina and the Waves. Finding good songs that make you feel happy and make you smile are the best songs!
- Look at daily affirmations and quotes about confidence. Find some of your favorite quotes and write them on some sticky notes, then put them on your mirror or somewhere that you look at often. It could be on your desk, your headboard, your nightstand, your car, anywhere. Write in colorful markers, pens, use awesome stickers, personalize it anyway you want!
- Find some clothes that make you look good! For me, when I am wearing an outfit that makes me feel beautiful, I radiate happiness and confidence. I feel most confident when I am wearing shoes that make me taller. If you don't have any clothes that you like, go shopping! If you don't have the money for it, look at some cool DIYs to revamp the clothes you already own! When you go shopping, you don't have to break the bank. Going to stores like Ross, Target, and Forever21 are affordable and they have great styles. Target's section for thick women is AMAZING and I want to buy up the entire store!
- Don't keep negative people in your life. If you have someone who is constantly putting you down, you either need to have a down to earth chat with them or dump them. You don't need that kind of negativity in your life. Find a group of people who are there for you and who won't keep putting you down. Making new friends is a great way to add some positivity in your life!
- Go for some change! If you want to start testing out some different makeup styles, go to a store (my favorite is Ulta) and ask someone there to help you figure out which products will work best with you. If you want a hair style change, mama go for it! You do what you need to do to feel happy with yourself once again! Pamper yourself!
- One of the things that has made me feel better is eating better! Fruits, veggies, less of this, more of that. Just a bit of change to what you put into your body. If you are constantly eating foods that aren't the best for you, trust me, it will make an impact on your life. Not all healthy food tastes bad, either! Look up some easy recipes that have good ingredients and play around in the kitchen!
Those are my tips! I find a lot of awesome ideas for outfits, quotes, and yummy recipes on Pinterest. My Pinterest is Mimi Olson (queenmimi8) so feel free to follow me and message me! I will be happy to send you some of my favorite boards and pins to help you get started!
Learning to love yourself and having confidence will take a little bit. It isn't something that you will immediately have. I took years to get to where I am. The first step is to start treating yourself better. If you are constantly putting yourself down, you need to stop right now. You are worthy of happiness, you are worthy of love, and you are worthy of all the goodness in the world. Stop telling yourself that you aren't.
Meditate, do yoga, find some awesome candles that make you happy, redecorate! Do whatever you need to do to replace negativity in your life!
Spread happiness, spread love, and remember to smile.
If you want me to help you along with your self love journey, please feel free to email me at firstname.lastname@example.org! I would love to talk to you and encourage you! You can also DM me on Instagram or Twitter. My links will be below!
I hope you have an absolutely fabulous day!